A lot of thought has gone into him, and me and us. So much brainpower. So many questions and answers and statements. The truth is I think I've always thought it was supposed to be easy. Effortless. Immediately perfect. Or at least with "The One" that's how it would happen.
Why do I even believe there is such a thing as "The One"? I might as well believe in God. It's the same concept.
I believe it because a great deal of things I saw and read as a little girl told me that romance is a fairy tale. A prince and a princess. Living happily ever after. So every time I see a guy I think is really handsome, I immediately think in my head that maybe he's the one. Or at least I used to. The past 6 months have really, truly opened my eyes up to so many habits and thought patterns I have cultivated over the last 30 years that are unhealthy and restrictive.
I have never in my life met anyone like Jordan. He is home to me, in every way. I want to work on this. I want him. And us. I want to continue building little invisible threads between us. My ego and need for attention have always been my downfall. Whenever a cute guy gives me attention I have a very hard time saying no. Today that changes. I mean, it has to change sometime. And that time has come.
Jordan and I want to be in a relationship again. And I owe it to him and myself to commit 100% to that relationship. In every sense. It's terrifying and exciting at the same time. As more time goes on, the more he becomes my person. The only person.
It still won't be easy. But the work we put in will come back to us tenfold in happiness. I know it. I've seen it. I look at couples who put their relationship first and are best friends, and I see this light. This radiant light that follows them around. Being in love requires patience, understanding, empathy. Putting others before yourself is an excellent way to stay humble and down to earth. And a relationship demands that.
So I'm diving in. Head first this time. Armed with a little more age and perspective. And even if I somehow start to slip below the water, I know he will be there to help lift me up.