I have a problem with assumption. I "assume" people understand the world through the same filter I do. Thought patterns and processes that I "assume" are "common sense" to everyone else, do not seem to be so "common". And it's not just me being "smarter" than anyone else. It's deeper than that.
It's like having a weird kind of x-ray vision. If there is a problem or issue, I can very quickly see through all the clutter to the heart of what's really going on. It's like I can shut off my emotions and personal opinions and focus on what the actual issue is. Even if the problem is me. I can clearly see that and then I act accordingly by removing myself or resolving the conflict or shifting so the project or whatever can continue.
The main reason I can do this better than a lot of people is my natural gift of empathy. That, and learning to control the one thing that used to get the best of me, my ego.
Over the last decade or so I have learned a lot of personal lessons and thankfully my ego and I are no longer at odds. What I have found to be true in almost all situations in work and life that conflict arises, it is always a good idea to take ones personal feeling out of your critical thinking and decision making. 99% of the time in life whenever I encounter conflict I need to remember one simple thing: it is not about me. Whatever conflict, issue, problem, or situation that I happen to find myself involved in, either directly or indirectly, the best way to find a solution is remove my ego and personal motivations from the equation. I may be able to help facilitate a solution. I may be able to help bring closure to the situation, and I may have the right answer to the question at hand. But it is never about me being right. It is never about me standing on a pedestal proudly displaying how awesome I am. It is always about solving the current situation to the best of my abilities and moving on. Period.
This little realization has become almost like a golden key for my mental health. It has made it very easy for me to see my actions and thoughts honestly and re-evaluate how I act. It forced me to grow up basically. It has also forced me to be a better person. No longer can I allow myself lazy mental habits like assumptions and judgement. I have to evaluate and assess. Then I have to act in a fair and just manner because that's the right thing to do. It's why Jordan and I hardly fight and when there is an issue it is immediately resolved. I can feel in my bones that resentment is what kills the majority of relationships. Someone feeling like they gave something up for someone who doesn't appreciate it. That's it right? Why people get divorced? They completely forget about the other person standing beside them. It becomes me, me, me. "They never take out the trash I always do." "My wife doesn't fuck me anymore, she must be a prude bitch." Or whatever sad married people think about their spouses they have grown to hate. If they took themselves out of it, and worried about their partner's happiness, and their partner did the same, everything would be a whole lot lovelier. None of those judgy, mean thoughts would ever come up. It's because people think too much about themselves. How they feel. MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME.
Its gross.
I read somewhere focusing on your partner's happiness is what couples have that fulfilling marriages do. That that's the key. Each focusing on the others happiness and finding joy is bringing them joy. It's almost meditative in its ability to bring a calm, awesome vibe to a relationship.
But this line of thinking is true for almost every other relationship in life as well. Especially when it comes to co-workers and work relationships. Being motivated and ambitious is great, but it should never come at the negative expense of something or someone else. Always coming at conflict with a positive, non-egotisical point of view is key to swiftly completely projects and growing as a professional.