It's weird being a women. It just is. I am constantly evaluating how my actions might affect my position in this world. In that same vain, I can't imagine what it's like to black in America right now. The amount of scrutiny and apathy people receive because the color of their skin is disgusting. And to be a black women? Jesus. I seriously cannot fathom all the messaging and negativity and bullshit they have to deal with every second of everyday. It fucks with my head sometimes. Injustice is my hot button. It is the passion at the core of my soul. Nothing will make me fight harder than injustice. But right now, with women's issues, immigration issues, and young men being murdered in the street by cops because of the color of their skin, I have a lot to sort through in mind.
Last season on South Park Cartmen fell in love for the first time. But before he fell in love, he made fun of all women comedians by saying all they talk about is their "Vagiiiiinaaaaas". It was hilarious, but also the feminist in me winced. Like ouch, that's not very fair. Women just started getting visibility in the comedy world and it's just lame to knock them. But whatever. So Cartmen falls in love. And suddenly, he becomes PC and cares about women, and how smart and funny they are. He wants to impress Hedi his girlfriend with how liberal he is. But it was all done very sarcastically. I love South Park, but this time is just cut to close and seemed so off color. The main line for next few episodes was Cartmen telling everyone "Women are smart and funny, get over it." But he didn't really mean it. So I'm laughing at all of this, and for the next few weeks Jordan and I use that line everywhere too. But part me always felt bad. Like I was part of the problem for finding it so funny.
Cut to last week we watched Amy Schumer's new special on Netflix. And it was amazing to watch with Jordan, because my entire life I've sat with boys and listened to gross dick jokes and pretended it was funny. Now he was sitting next to me listening to pussy jokes trying to pretend that they were funny. That is a priceless moment right there friends. That's true equality. And yes, she said "Vagina" a millions times. Get over it.
And Amy also talked about my biggest issue: Being a bigger women in a world of tiny people. But she owned the shit out of it and it was like a smack in the face to me. She talked about seeing herself out of the corner of her eye and thinking it's a man or a softball player or something and it was fucking fantastic. That's literally me. I think I look like a softball player. But I feel bad about it afterwards. She doesn't give a shit and laughs and doesn't give it a further thought.
So now, fuck feeling bad about dumb shit like my weight. And feeling bad about laughing at South Park. Shit still needs to be funny, even if it's too soon.
But injustice? That shit isn't going anywhere with Trump in power. So much of my creative influences come from the black culture, hip hop, art, fashion, literally everything right now comes from the black community. Jordan and I watch BET Jams all the time, listen to Hip Hop on Sirius XM, watch videos and documentaries and are very heavily influenced by the authenticity of every part of black culture. We also recognize that none of that is for us directly. It's the voice of thousands of people sick and tired of being held down. It doesn't speak to actual events that have happened to Jordan and I, but the message is universal. And the more we support movements like "Black Lives Matter" and educate ourselves on the issues with the justice system, the better allies we become in this gigantic fight against injustice and hate.
It's easy to feel like a hypocrite though. With our really nice paying jobs, our Mercedes and all the invisible tools that come with being white. So I stand up and use my voice and privilege every chance I get. And keep trying to stay true to my belief in loving every human being equally and always keeping my mind and arms open. Hopefully soon when we open a restaurant I can put my money where my mouth is with my hiring practices and the locations we open up in. Because that's how real change happens.