My life is more routine than I ever thought it would be. Monday through Friday my alarm goes off at 7am. I snooze until 7:27 or 7:36. Get up, shower, get dressed and leave by 8:15 to either catch the 22 bus down Lorain. Or if I have no cash, I walk to the 25th rapid station. I leave work at 5pm, either get a ride and get home by 5:15, or take the train and I'm home by 5:40. If it's a Monday, Tuesday or Thursday, I go running right after work. Then I don't get home until 6:30, don't eat until 7:30, and fall asleep by 9:30. Friday nights I usually hang out with Chris & Jordan, Saturdays I babysit for a 5 month old named Max and Sundays I clean my house.
There. There it is. My life in one paragraph. I've been trying to take photos when I get home on Wednesdays, or on Sundays. I'm too broke to get the 6 rolls of film I have taken over the last month developed, but I get paid in a few days and I can take them in then. Once they are developed, I can scan them and have a project for a few days uploading and going through them.
I feel like I'm waiting. I'm in limbo. It's like that moment of holding my breath before jumping off a cliff, but I never jump. I just stay in that moment of anticipation, forever holding my breath.
Everything is always later. Tomorrow, next week, in a month. Holidays, birthdays, parties. Planning, waiting, always waiting.
It seems that every paycheck is a bill paycheck. Rent, electric, gas, phone, internet, 2 student loans, money for my dad, bus fare, food & litter for the boys, sometimes food for me, beer, Netflix, Spotify, Birchbox. It cost so much money to still be so poor.
I haven't been able to run the past 2 days. I bruised my right foot jumping off a ledge. It wasn't even a tall ledge, and I landed on both my feet. But apparently now that I'm 30 my foot is just shitty. I just have a shitty foot now. So because I can't run, I just feel fat. Bratty & fat. I can't run tonight either because it still hurts to walk and we have a happy hour after our staff meeting.
Maybe something is coming. Something just off the horizon. Something I can't see yet.